Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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