got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
