All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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