Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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