Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
