Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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