I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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