I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We're too hungover to prance.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
