can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
