i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
