But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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