Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can't special order awesome
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
