he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
