Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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