Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
