my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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