yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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