She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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