An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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