The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer