Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS