i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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