is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
40s are totally the cure
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
