I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.