Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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