i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
