I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
