the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize