i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
