well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
