I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
