omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
