I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
