he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
