If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
