i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
