4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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