So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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