: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize