why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
