By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
