my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
