It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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