I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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