Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ttyl tear gas
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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