I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
