worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
