Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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