So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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