i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
