you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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