Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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