I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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