I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
