I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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