last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
