Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
