I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
