I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
