Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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