Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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