So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
