I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
