Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
