I think my vagina is haunted
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
