I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
