She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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