there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm both gender and math confused
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
