Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize