I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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