I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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