How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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