What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
